DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this column are not necessarily those of Chyna Central. The key word here is "not necessarily." Think about it.
Well Worth It
July 28, 2001 will be a day that I will remember for the rest of my life. It was such a beautiful day-- a few clouds in the sky to go along with the perfect warm weather. The sun was shining, and I've got to believe that it was because Joanie Laurer was in New York City.
She was appearing at Video Games Central in the Howard Beach section of Queens. I don't live that far away from the place, and I was determined to meet my role model and love goddess. I missed out by three days when I attended RAW IS WAR at MSG back in June. Only a major natural disaster or an act of God would have changed my mind. Thankfully, this wasn't the case.
I got there just after 6:00pm that evening. The back of the line, ironically enough, was wrapped around the corner from the entrance. The end of the line was at the storefront on Cross Bay Boulevard. You guys really did come out and show your love for Joanie. There were many fans with flowers, copies of Joanie's autobiography, copies of that beautiful Playboy pictorial, and other Joanie/Chyna collectables. At about 6:20, a black Suburban double-parked on Cross Bay Boulevard in front of the store, just in front of a black limousene. It was almost Presidential, and it got the attention of everyone. Then Joanie, flanked by a couple of her bodyguards (by the way, wouldn't you just love to guard her body :-)) stepped out of the limo to an ovation. I personally screamed out at the top of my lungs "We love you!" followed up with a patented Ric Flair WOOOOOOOO! I was that excited. She was absolutely gorgeous.
So roughly an hour later, I had finally arrived at the entrance of what I'll call for the moment the Gates to Paradise, because, after all, a goddess was present. Then my heart almost stopped as I was told that I needed a ticket to get in and meet her. The cost was a whopping $22. Like I said, nothing would stop me from meeting Joanie Laurer that day. I hated to part with the money, but I did it anyway. All in the name of love, right?
Anyway, I get into the building. I was waiting right at the end of the indoor line for my ticket from one of the men working there. There, and I swear on a stack of Bibles that this is true, Joanie looked right at me. You hear me? SHE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME!!!!! I waved at her, and she waved back right at me. You hear me? SHE WAVED BACK AT ME!!!!! My heart was absolutely racing at that point.
Finally I got on line with my ticket. I couldn't take my eyes off of Joanie. She was wearing that really low-cut Wonder Woman dress that she wore to the MTV Video Music Awards. At least the top-- I don't know what she was wearing underneath. She wore her long black hair straight and back, draping her lovely shoulders. Her eyes were so blue-- they stood out beautifully. I took endless pictures as she was signing autographs and posing with other people. I was so distracted that one of the workers took the ticket right out of my shirt pocket. Then it was finally my turn to meet Joanie Laurer, goddess among women, the love of my life, my role model. I asked another worker to take my picture with her with my camera.
I walked up to Joanie Laurer. I was holding my copy of "Chyna: If They Only Knew." I don't know if I put it down or not, but what I do know was that I got down on my right knee. For twenty-two bucks, I was damn sure to get a marriage proposal in. She held out her hand and I took it. It was so warm and soft, very beautiful skin.
"Joanie, would you please take my hand in marriage?" I asked amidst the laughter of the moment. She smiled of course, probably taking in the fiftieth marriage proposal on the day. We posed for a picture, and then she signed my book. I told her that I absolutely loved her, that I was her biggest fan, that I missed her on TV now that she was out of the WWF, and that I would support her no matter what she did. She thanked me and signed the book. Then she asked me if I had gone to her website, bodybyjoanie.com. I said I had, and that I would join. Figuring that she was there, I also stated that I had a website dedicated to her, "chynafan611.tripod.com." I don't know if she remembered it, but I don't care. At least she listened. After that, I shook her hand, thanked her, and told her that I loved her again.
I then walked out of the store, looking at my right hand, still feeling the touch of her warm, soft skin. I vowed that I would never wash my right hand again, though I know that I couldn't ever hold that promise.
Overall, meeting Joanie Laurer was a really pleasant experience. She seemed very warm and affectionate. I know that this was a PR move (public relations), and of course, you have to show your best side. But she wasn't just sitting down and signing autographs. She was very hospitable. If anybody was cold, it was the staff of the store, who were selling tickets to get in for twenty-two bucks a pop just to meet her. It was well worth the money, but you know, it wasn't like that this was an adult event. There were families there, kids no older than ten, who wanted to meet their wrestling idol. In order for a family of five to get in, they had to pay $110! You can take a family of five to a ball game for just barely $110. I guess this was the store's way to pay Joanie's appearance fee, and make a profit all at once. I had a really good day, but I'm sure the store had a REALLY REALLY good day raking in all that dough.
But that doesn't take anything away from my feelings of Joanie Laurer. She is a great woman with a great personality. I was very happy to meet her, and I'd love to do it again someday. We'll see what happens with that.
Joanie, I love you! We love you! Keep doin' what you're doing!
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