Chyna's Fantasy Valentine (courtesy WWFDivas.com)

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Joanie's Joint

Wanna know what Chyna likes? Read this.

Chyna's Valentine's Day fantasy
The guy: He's 6-foot-5 and has a build like Billy Gunn. He has tan, smooth skin and no body hair. He's Latin looking with dark brown thick hair that's groomed -- a short, military-type haircut. Light blue eyes. He has a sexy face with exceptional bone structure, and he wears fragrances like Hugo Boss and Chanel.

The date: At one of her many events, she meets a man and hits it off with right away. However, because she's so busy and meets thousands of people every day, she forgets about him. However, he doesn't forget about her. When he gets in touch with her a few weeks later, she lets him do all the talking. She has to be completely convinced that he's worth fitting into to her fanatical schedule. Plus, she's not interested in dating, so he had better be very entertaining. When he gets the feeling that hes won her over enough to earn a date, he describes the plan: a limousine will pick her up at 10 a.m. tomorrow; she doesn't have to bring anything. It'll all be taken care of. With that, he hangs up the phone. She's left feeling intrigued and she thinks, "Is this guy a mobster?"

The limo arrives on time and takes her to the Plaza Hotel in New York City. She's escorted to her $10,000-per-night suite, which is entirely filled with red roses. There's candy and chocolates, as well as several personal servants that are there to indulge her -- a masseuse, make-up artist, hair-stylist, manicurist, pedicurist. While she's getting pampered, a box arrives with a glamorous dress inside -- seafoam green silk with a low back and straps made of diamonds. There's a note inside: "Wear this tonight. Your car will be ready at 8 p.m. I'll will call you today to see how you're doing." But he never calls. She's loving her day, but she can't help but feel a little out of control. Who is this guy? And perhaps even scarier: She may end up liking him too much. It's time to go and she's looking and feeling better than ever. She's escorted to the car and is met by a throng of paparazzi outside. Somehow word has leaked that Chyna was at the Plaza. Photographers are flashing away, and that's OK because everything's perfect. The reporters are eager to know, "Chyna, Where are you going? Is there a special event? An awards show?" She says, "Frankly, I don't know where I'm going." She gets in the car, which is a little chilly (its always cold in a limo). She looks next to her and there's a full-length chinchilla coat. Another note: "Since I'm not there to keep you warm, maybe this will." She thinks perhaps she's going to a restaurant, but is instead taken to a private airstrip. Normally she would be tentative to get on an airplane with someone she doesn't know very well. However, the red carpet had been rolled out and theres welcoming glow coming from the jet, so she steps on board, and there he is. He's wearing head to toe Prada -- black slacks, a black blazers, Prada shoes with no socks and a white silk T-shirt with a crew neck. He welcomes her onboard, hands her some champagne, takes her jacket and is just memorized by how beautiful she is. He can't take his eyes off her. He asks her if she likes the jacket and the dress, and she responds that she does, of course.

He says, "I want you to relax. I've contacted your place of employment and you have been granted a week away from work." Immediately she thinks, "I didn't pack anything!" Then she sees three big pieces of Hermes luggage and is assured that this man has gone shopping for her needs. They make themselves comfortable, the jet takes off and he says, "You must be hungry. What's your favorite kind of food?" She answers Italian. He says, "Great, because I'm taking you there for dinner." During the seven-hour trip to Italy, he makes her laugh, asks her lots of questions and is just glued to her every word. When she asks about him, he swerves the conversation back to her, which makes him seem mysterious, yet intriguing. He pulls out a cello because he knows that she plays it, and he asks her to do so. She obliges, playing for him "The Swan" from "Carnival of the Animals." He loves it.

They land in Rome and he takes her to the yacht, welcomes her aboard and leads her to her quarters, where she finds tons of new clothes hanging in the closets. She can't decide what to put on. She comes out on deck in a bathing suit. He is wearing casual cotton/gauze drawstring pants. She gets her first glance at his upper body, which is very impressive. He's barefoot, and he's gazing at her like shes beautiful. She feels like, "I'm ready for this guy to kiss me right now!" Instead, he says, "Make yourself at home. My servants will get you anything you need." And he roars off in his Lamborghini. She's so excited that she doesn't feel tired, but after she showers and explores the yacht a bit, she falls asleep in her bed. She awakes to a soft kiss and Mr. Right says, "You're so beautiful when you're sleeping. I've been watching you." She's totally seduced by him -- not intimidated. She wants to get intimate right then and there. Instead, he whispers to her with a smile, "Come with me. I want to show you something."

They go into this other room, where there's this beautiful ballroom gown. He hands her a blue velvet box, and inside are Bvlgari earnings and a necklace -- jewelry that even Princess Diana had never worn. He says, "We're going to a party." The Bentley limo brings them to an enormous, opulent palace. The party is already in full swing. There are rows of fancy cars outside. He takes her hand and they walk up the marble staircase. They come to a gigantic landing, and below them is a sea of people. A chime indicates they've arrived. The people look up, and then bow. Now she's thinking, "This guy must be the man! He's not a mobster, he's royalty!" He turns out to be a prince. While she can hardly catch her breath, she has an ear-to-ear grin. He takes her hand and escorts her through the parting crowd and the Waltz begins. (In this dream, Chyna knows how to do the Waltz.) They circle around the dance floor to the delight of the guests. The "oohs" and "aahs" are all in Italian, so it's very fantastico. The dance ends and this man, to whom hundreds have bowed, goes down on one knee before Chyna, holds her hand in his and asks, "Will you be my princess?" She says yes. On a velvet pillow comes a diamond tiara, which is placed on her head. And he kisses her with a wonderful, passionate kiss. There's a huge celebration, the party's in high gear. Without a word, they slip off to his grand bedroom. There's a fireplace, a marble, four-post bed with the velvet canopy and animal-skin rugs. He slams the door shut, pushes her against the wall and tears the dress off, leaving her bare with only gems and tiara. They ensue in a harmonious evening of passionate lovemaking.

WEBMASTER'S NOTE:

WOW!

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