Joanie's Joint
Chyna Script Ideas

The scripts J.R. and the rest of the idiot WWF Bookers don't want you to see.


You have been lead to believe that other women are sexier. They're wrong. CHYNA DEFINES SEXY.


The Transformation of Joanie Laurer | JoanieMedia | Counterpoint by Billy Cullen | Joanie Speaks Out | JoanieJam: Under New Management | Joanie in Ironman Magazine | Meeting Joanie Laurer-- THE PICTURES! | New Joanie Pics | RAW IS CHYNA/Chyna Smackdown! | Chyna's Fantasy Valentine (courtesy | Joanie Gallery (A Ton of Pictures) | Tales of Meeting Joanie Laurer | Joanie's Story | Joanie's Joint News | Related Links | Chyna Script Ideas | Fantasy Booking (coming soon) | Random Thoughts by Max McInnes | Joanie Interview Transcripts | Joanie Wallpapers

Chyna Script Idea #3-- Battle of the Sexes:

RAW IS WAR, March 18, 2001

It's two weeks prior to Wrestlemania X-Seven. Chyna's music hits, and The Ninth Wonder of the World comes down the rampway to a huge ovation. Over the last two weeks since her return at No Way Out, she has decimated her competition in the likes of Val Venis, Perry Saturn, and Billy Gunn (on two separate occasions). Chyna's ultimate goal is to conquer the top prize in the WWF, and she's not willing to be held back anymore. She enters the ring and grabs the mic.
"I've been back two weeks now," she says, "and I think it's pretty obvious that I have no ring rust whatsoever. You can ask Val Venis, Perry Saturn, and 'The One Who Thinks He's So Great But Really Sucks,' (the crowd laughs as Billy has become a heel). I mean, I whooped their collective ass in about five minutes. I'm also a three-time Intercontinental Champion. I've defeated some of the best talents in the business. I guess what I'm trying to say is, what the hell else does a girl gotta do to get a WWF Title shot around here? Don't you fans think it's time that I get a shot a the top spot in this business?" The crowd lets out a huge roar. Chyna looks to the back.
"So who's gonna give me that chance? Who's man enough to give me an opportunity?"
Suddenly, a familiar theme from long ago sounds throughout the arena.
"When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside..." It sounds like the theme of the "Real Americans," Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco. Everyone in the arena jeers, thinking that The Stooges are gonna make a futile challenge to The Ninth Wonder of the World. They didn't expect, however, to see...
...the return of Hulk Hogan. Hogan comes out and stuns the audience. The crowd gives a mixed response as Hogan does his familiar poses and his classic psych-job by ripping off his tanktop. Chyna smirks in the ring, as if trying to hold back laughter. Hogan has a microphone.
"Let me tell you something, bro-- excuse me, sister, Hollywood Hogan is back in town. And when Hollywood heard your comments back at No Way Out and seen your antics the last few weeks, I just had to come back and let me know what I think about you. Everybody in this building knows that you're a hottie, sister. Sure, you've written a book. You act pretty good. Hell, your Playboy was just an amazing experience. But you want a shot at the WWF Title? The gold that Hollywood himself once held around his waist? Come on, sister. You've got to be kidding me." With that the crowd jeers once again.
"The WWF has, is, and always will be a man's world, girlie," Hogan says. "Guys like me have dominated around here for decades, and we're not gonna let you get a shot at the highest prize in sports entertainment. Why? It's simple. 'Cause you don't have a set, sister." Chyna rolls her eyes back in disgust.
"So let me get this straight, brother," Chyna says. "All of a sudden, little ol' me, who has busted her ass in this company for the last four years, should be held back for an old, bald, flabby, has-been senior citizen who has spent the last how many years in Wheel Chair Wrestling?!? Let me ask you something. Have you even seen the WWF in the last few years? 'Cause if you did, you'd know that a lot of guys said things like that to me. Those gentlemen-- well, they wound up with an icepack down their shorts courtesy of yours truly." Hogan shakes his head.
"I've seen some of the guys you've fought. Give me a break. You've never faced Hollywood, and if you had the balls to challenge me, I'd spank you all over the arena." With that, Chyna's eyes lights up. A smile comes upon her face.
"You wanna piece of me?" Chyna asks. "You've got it, big dog. Let's make it interesting. The time: April 1, 2001. The place: Wrestlemania at The Astrodome in Houston. You and me in a 2 out of 3 falls Battle of the Sexes. For you, it's your chance to whip my ass twice. For me, well I get a chance to give you a vasectomy the hard way! What do you say, big boy? Are we on?" Hogan laughs at her and accepts.
"Well, if you want it, Hollywood's got it for ya, baby." With that, the match is on for Wrestlemania.

* * *

Wrestlemania, April 1, 2001.

Over twenty-five years ago, Bobby Riggs faced Billie Jean King in a tennis battle-of-the-sexes. The historic match took place in The Astrodome. Now, it was sports entertainment's turn. Chyna's music blares throughout the arena as Chyna enters the packed house of well over 60,000. The crowd roars as she blasts her C-2000 bazooka, with green fireworks glaring up to the roof. She enters the ring fully prepared for everything Hollywood Hogan could throw at her. The crowd was definitely behind her all the way.
Hollywood Hogan, however, doesn't get the royal treatment. He enters the ring with his famous poses, but doesn't have the fans behind him. When he enters the ring, he and Chyna lock in a staredown. The bell rings. Over the days prior to Wrestlemania, they had instigated and annoyed each other with name-calling, sneak attacks, and screwing each other out of major title shots. The hatred ran thick.
Chyna gets out quickly, nailing her arch-rival with forearms. However, Hogan recovers and then proceeds to dominate. He nails her with a press slam, and then Irish whips her. He catches her on the run and powerslams her down to the mat. It knocks the wind out of The Ninth Wonder of the World. 1... 2... 3. Hogan wins the first fall.
Chyna then makes a rather quick and stunning recovery. Hogan picks her up slightly. He then, for whatever the reason, has a beef with the referee. With the ref distracted, Chyna low blows Hollywood Hogan. His eyes bulge out of his head from the pain. Chyna then explodes on him. She then powerslams him and whips him into the corner. She kicks him and stomps him down to the ground. Hogan's head rests on the bottom turnbuckle. Chyna takes advantage of this and hits him with the Bronco Buster. As Hogan crawls out of the corner, Chyna sets him and puts him in the piledriver. She covers a knocked out Hogan. 1... 2... 3. Chyna wins the second fall.
The falls ended quite quickly. However, the third fall would be quite dramatic. Hogan then takes control of the match and soon dominates The Ninth Wonder of the World. Thinking he's got it won, he begins to toy with her. He has her covered, and when it appeared that Chyna would not kick out, Hogan pulls her shoulder up, laughing at and demeaning her. He then gets serious. He whips Chyna into the ropes and gives her the boot. He follows up with his patented legdrop finisher. He covers Chyna...1...2... 2 and 7/8, Chyna kicks out. Hogan is stunned. As he talks with the ref, Chyna slowly gets to her feet. Hogan sees her standing. He throws several punches at her, but she blocks every one of them. She then lands three right forearms on Hogan's skull. She then whips Hogan into the corner and does her patented handspring elbow. As Hogan staggers out of the corner, Chyna bodyslams the wrestling legend. She celebrates the achievement of taking out a man nearly twice her size for a brief moment. She goes to pick the Hulkster up, but Hogan counters with a couple of punches. He then Irish whips her into the ropes for a clothesline. However, Chyna ducks and turns behind him. Hogan turns around to attack her. Chyna kicks him in the gut, and then, though it's quite a struggle, puts him in the powerbomb. She covers and gets the three. Chyna celebrates a victory many thought she could never achieve.

Chyna Script Idea #2

"Some people get stepped on..."

No Way Out, February 25, 2001.

The blaring sirens of the Right to Censor's music hits, and Steven Richards accompanies his partner in crime, Ivory to the ring. After all that she has taken in the past few months, including getting the crap kicked out of her by Chyna, Ivory was somehow still the Women's Champion. She enters the ring, more confident than ever before, and stares at her opponent on the other side of the ring, Jacqueline. The bell rings, and the fight is underway.
Jacqueline doesn't hesitate in getting the upper hand in the match. She pounds on Ivory and overall dominates the match. Toward the end, Jacqueline capitalizes on an Ivory mistake and puts her in the Dominator, a move which her friend Faarooq taught her. However, as Jackie covers Ivory for the certain victory, Richards climbs on top of the ring apron and grabs hold of the official. As they argue, Buchanan comes out from the back and pulls Jackie by the hair off of Ivory. Buchanan scolds her for a moment, and is about to slam her to the ground when the APA hits the ring. The Goodfather then comes out as the equalizer, and the four men take the fight to the floor and out to the back. As Jackie turns her attention back to Ivory, the Women's Champion levels her with the belt that Richards had sitting by ringside. Ivory covers, and the crowd boos loudly, expecting the usual RTC victory by cheating. The referee counts... one... two...
Then, just as the ref's hand is about to count the three...
"Don't treat me like a woman..." Chyna's music blares throughout the arena. Richards looks toward the back along with Ivory, who has broken her pinned, confused by the playing of her song. Chyna was out for a very long time. It was almost certain that she would never wrestle again. She couldn't be back... or could she? She wasn't coming out. Maybe it was all a cruel joke.
Suddenly, the RTC knew their fate. Chyna comes out from the audience and pulls Steven Richards from behind by his hair. She drops him to the floor with a DDT. Ivory stood by and watched it all in fright. Her jaw seemingly drops to the floor as she watches Chyna slowly, methodically walk into the ring. Chyna's icy blue eyes gaze intently at Ivory, with the look of a hungry tiger about to devour its helpless prey. Ivory tries to weasel her way out of this one with words. Chyna would hear none of it. She kicks Ivory in the gut, then gives the Women's Champ a spike piledriver, similar to the one that knocked Chyna out of action for a long time. Val Venis runs out from the back and drags Ivory's lifeless body out of the ring. He tends to her on the floor. Chyna, meanwhile, grabs the mic.
"I want to thank you all for your cards and letters during the past few weeks," Chyna says, "however, I need to get something off my chest. You see, this whole neck injury was a work, a complete farce. In this business, some people get stepped on for being who they are, and they get thrown off of TV for a while. Well, I don't know who I pissed off back there, but I'm telling you right now that things are gonna change around here. You fans don't deserve to see me fighting cupcakes like Ivory and jokes like Steven Richards, 'cause you know damn well I can whip their ass. I think I know what you do want to see, and it's something that I've been wanting for a long time, and that is a shot at the World Wrestling Federation Title.
So Angle, Triple-H, Austin, or whomever else is going after that belt, you better be ready. I've busted my ass for four years, and now I'm gonna start kicking some."
With that, Chyna left the ring and began her long journey toward greatness.

Chyna Script Idea-- No. 1 for the Marry Me Joanie Website.

Hell Hath No Fury...

Setting: RAW IS WAR, January 15, 2001.

After a match in the first hour of the program, the camera focuses on the Right to Censor, who is sitting in their holding area. Steven Richards is talking about their plan of action for the
evening. Ivory is absent for this meeting, back at the hotel with a bad cold.
"Now," Richards states, "is our time. We have put Chyna out of commission. Val, your
job is to now take care of Billy Gunn. You will finish him once and for all. The only problem is that he's not here. Apparently, Mr. McMahon suspended him for hitting a referee in his match last Thursday night."
"Don't worry about that," Val says. "His time is coming."
"I know. So for tonight, since Gunn's not here, and since Ivory's back at the hotel with a case of the flu, we're going to focus our strengths on taking out The Hardy Boyz. Tonight, Goodfather and Buchanan, you will--" Richards stops and looks at Buchanan, who seems rather ill.
"Are you okay, Mr. Buchanan?" Richards asks.
"I don't know," he says. "I think I ate something that didn't agree with me. Excuse me."
Buchanan gets up and leaves the room. Richards seems perplexed, but understanding.
"Hope you feel better," he says as they go to commericial.

When RAW goes back on the air, the camera finds Buchanan lying face down on the floor of the men's room, with blood dripping from his head. On the back of his shirt is a capital A painted in red.
"Oh man," J.R. says from the broadcasters position, "Buchanan is out cold. Apparently he's been attacked?"
"Who could have done this, J.R.?" The King asks.
"I- uh-- I don't know. He needs help though."

After another match, the camera returns to the men's room, where fellow RTC members Richards, Goodfather, and Venis watch as Buchanan is loaded into the back of an EMT unit and
taken away.
"Who could have done this?" Val asks.
"Your guess is as good as mine," Richards replies. "It could have been anyone on the active roster. But whomever it is can't be far."
"Look," The Goodfather says, pointing to a few drops of red paint on the ground leading toward the parking lot.
"Red paint," Richards says. "Just like that painted on Buchanan. Check it out, Goodfather."
"Right," he says, going out into the darkness as RAW goes to commercial.

A freeze-frame shot of Richards and Venis running toward the parking lot is shown as RAW goes back on the air.
"Well, folks," J.R. says, "apparently a mysterious attacker is assaulting the Right to Censor. Buchanan was just taken away by ambulance and during the break, our cameras followed Steven Richards and Val Venis to the parking lot apparently to the aid of The Goodfather."
Goodfather is then shown holding his right arm, writhing in pain.
"What happened, Goodfather?" Richards asked. The former pimp is in too much pain to
respond. In the background, a car is heard being turned on. Val looks out, and the cameras watch as a black PT Cruiser speeds off into the night.

Setting: Smackdown, January 18, 2001.

The cameras show in the first half of the program Steven Richards pacing in the locker room, with Val Venis looking on with great concern.
"Where is she?" Richards asks. "Why is she running so late?"
"Maybe she's stuck in traffic," Val says.
"That attacker has already taken out Buchanan and The Goodfather. God only knows what could happen to Ivory."
"Would you like me to wait in the back for her? I'll escort her to the front."
"I'm not sure I want you to do that."
"But what if the attacker is out there right now waiting for her?" Richards takes a deep
breath and then gives Val the go-ahead.
"Allright, Val, but I warn you. Be careful." They then go to a match.

After the match, the camera is following Val Venis to the back of the arena when suddenly, the cameraman is pushed to the side from behind. After the camera falls, it picks up
Venis' head hitting the ground, with pieces of cinder block falling at his side. The camera then picks up a pair of black boots, with the person in those boots apparently spraypainting something onto Val. Smackdown then goes to a commercial break.

When back on the air, Michael Cole and The King go over what had just happened, and
then they watch as Venis is being loaded into an EMT unit. Richards is visibly livid when Ivory
joins him.
"Where have you been?" Richards asks.
"I got stuck in traffic." Ivory replies. "Oh God, they got to Val, didn't they."
"Struck him over the head with a cinder block, and I have an idea who did this. Follow me." He grabs Ivory by the arm and leads her back to the ring. He grabs the microphone from the ring announcer and puts a halt to the night's proceedings.
"First, it was Buchanan. A bad concussion and thirty-three stitches to the head. Then it
was The Goodfather, a dislocated shoulder. Now it's Val Venis, and God only knows how badly he's injured. I know who is behind this all, and we are not leaving until Billy Gunn gets out here and explains himself. Gunn, you've gone off the deep end. You attacked referee Teddy Long last week and got yourself suspended Monday night. If you're crazy enough to hit an innocent official, then God only knows how far you'll go. I know that you're displeased by your friend Chyna being knocked out of action. But Billy, we did it for the good of all the people. You should know that. So Billy, get out here and explain yourself." Richards waits a moment with Ivory. Then Gunn's music blares throughout the arena, and he comes out with a microphone to the top of the rampway.
"Don't get me wrong, Steven Richards, I don't like seeing innocent people get hurt. Hell, I regret punching out Teddy Long, and I apologized to him today for it. But I can't help but feel
pleased that Buchanan, Goodfather, and now Val Venis have been put out of commission. An
eye for an eye, as they say. But did I do it? No, but I do know something that will help you find
the culprit."
"You have a clue? Yes, Mr. Gunn, I would like to know what you know."
"Why don't you ask your girlfriend Ivory where she was Monday night?"
"Gunn, do you think I'm a moron? I know where she was. She was in her hotel room bed, fighting the flu."
"Really? I have five witnesses that say they saw Ivory on Monday night in the back. And
what about that traffic problem? Gee, that was ironic how she arrived just after Val was attacked.
You know there's a famous line from the movie, "The Godfather Part II." I believe Michael Corleone said it best. 'Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.'" Richards then turns to
Ivory and confronts her, questioning her loyalty. As this happens, a black figure in a trench coat,
wearing a motorcycle helmet runs down the rampway, unbenownst to Richards and Ivory. The
figure comes from behind, pulls Richards by the hair, and drops him with a reverse DDT. Ivory
stands paralyzed by fear and shock. The figure then turns to her. Ivory starts retreating toward the corner as the figure approaches. The figure then pulls the helmet off. The entire crowd cheers in stunned disbelief as the figure is none other than...
Ivory stands in shock. Her jaw drops to the floor as Chyna grabs her by the shirt and says
a few words to her. She then knocks out Ivory with a devastating right hand. Chyna then climbs
out of the ring and throws in a steel folding chair. She then reaches underneath the ring and pulls
out two tables. She puts them in the ring and returns to the squared circle. She sets up one table
and notices Richards slowly getting to his feet. She kicks him in the gut, and then proceeds to powerbomb him through the table. He is completely out cold.
Chyna then focuses her attention on Ivory, who is slowly sitting up. Chyna kicks her back
down, and then sets up the second table. She then places the folding chair on the center of the table. She then peels Ivory off the canvas and places her on top of the table. She climbs up and places Ivory's head between her powerful legs. The crowd is going nuts, wanting The Ninth Wonder of the World to finish off Ivory. She picks up Ivory and plants her through the table and folding chair with a devastating piledriver. Chyna then reaches inside her trenchcoat and takes out a can of red spray paint. She then paints a gigantic A on Ivory's lifeless body. She throws the paint can down on the ground and gets the microphone.
"Spike piledrivers are career-threatening," she says, "for those that give them anyway. I was never injured. I was just biding my time, as any good predator does. This is what happens when you mess with The Bad Girl called Chyna. I will beat you, and I will destroy you. Everyone better heed my warning. Remember, hell hath no fury like that of Chyna scorned." She drops the microphone and leaves the arena as EMTs rush to Richards and Ivory's aid. She receives a standing ovation for her return.

Enter supporting content here