I had hoped that I would find the time to run Joanie's Joint for years. For some crazy reason, I had this hope that we would be the premier website dedicated to Joanie Laurer, the goddess among women that she is. In many respects, we are right up there with a number of other dedications. And I want to continue that upward trend.
In the past several months, you have seen a lack of updating here at Joanie's Joint. A great deal of this is because there's not a whole lot you could update. Joanie's career is in full swing right now, though, and this will require a dedication by people to be on top of things. I can't really be that person right now.
The reasons are simple-- there's a lot going on in my life personally. I'm hard at work at school. I have a job and bills to pay. I have a billion other reasons. And so today, I am announcing my retirement as webmaster of Joanie's Joint.
Normally, other webmasters would announce that they are closing their website. One in particular just simply abandoned everything. I know this because he and I used to be friends, and he abandoned me just as he abandoned the rest of his fans. I will not let that happen to Joanie's Joint. Rest assured that Joanie's Joint will continue on, and I have selected two people that will carry on the tradition of excellence-- Ron and Jennifer from the Message Board. I know that I can count on Ron and Jennifer to only continue Joanie's Joint and make this the #1 Unofficial Joanie Laurer website.
As for what I'll do next, I do know the answer to that. I'll still be around here at Joanie's Joint. I'll be a frequent poster at the Message Board. I also have a column at 4w-wrestling.com. Check out "Shots off the Turnbuckle" when you get the chance as well as my buddies Billy C, Chris Orose, and the rest.
I want to thank so many people for their help and support-- of course Ron & Jennifer for carrying on the tradition. I'd like to thank Billy Cullen, Max McInnes, and Anjel (whereever you are) for their contributions. Don't worry, guys-- you'll always have a home here at Joanie's Joint. I'd like to thank those who frequent the message board-- guys like Russell, Hunter, Stephanie, Vanessa. You're discussions keep everything interesting.
And I want to thank Joanie Laurer for being several things:
1.) A sexy babe!
2.) A sexy, sexy babe!
3.) A sexy, sexy, sexy babe (especially in curve-hugging leather and vinyl)!
But seriously, I want to thank Joanie...
1.) For being a beautiful woman, both in and out.
2.) For July 28, 2001, an experience I'll never forget. Even though you didn't accept my marriage proposal, Joanie, I still love you.
3.) For leaving the WWF behind and taking charge of your own destiny, which will no doubt be filled with success.
4.) For posing for Playboy AGAIN! I can't wait until the second pictorial comes out.
5.) For finding the strength from within to take on the jerks and sleazeballs who ridicule you and showing them why they're wrong. Thank you, Joanie Laurer.
Finally, I just want to thank all of you, the well over 36,000 visitors I've received, for making my webmaster experience so enjoyable. Thank you very much!
DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this column are not necessarily those of Chyna Central. The key word here is "not necessarily." Think about it.
NOTES FROM UNDER THE METS CAP
Am I the only one who noticed something just a little strange about Stone Cold Steve Austin on Thursday night on Smackdown? I mean, it's probably nothing, but-- what?-- I think Stone Cold -- what?-- may have taken one too many chairshots to the -- what?-- head. It's probably -- what?-- nothing, most likely -- what?-- the WWF's way -- what?-- to make Stone -- what?-- Cold look demented and -- what?-- evil, perhaps off his -- what?-- rocker. I didn't -- what?-- think it was that -- what?-- effective. I was laughing my -- what?-- ass off when he -- what?-- kept saying "What?" to -- what?-- Scotty -- what?-- 2 -- what?-- Hotty. I'd like to take the -- what?-- booker who thought of -- what?-- that one, tie him -- what?-- down to a -- what?-- table, and have Joanie -- what?-- Laurer rip his -- what?-- nuts off with a -- what?-- rusty chainsaw.
I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of stupid gimmicks in wrestling, such as the clubbers-- the K-Kwiks and Scotty 2 Hottys of the world. Really, what's the point? They come out every week and make complete asses of themselves with their singing and dancing, and wind up jobbing to guys like Billy Gunn. Is this part of their preparation for the Gimmick Battle Royal in three years or something? C'mon WWF, these guys have some talent. Let 'em have a good gimmick for a change and show it off a little in the ring, you know, by actually winning matches.
Despite popular belief, Chris Kanyon is not the MVP of this entire Invasion angle. The MVP is collectively Paul Heyman and the ECW wrestlers. They gave this angle the juice that the "WCW" crew could not provide. Special kudos go out to Rob Van Dam, Lance Storm, and Rhyno, who are actually laying the seeds of the future of the WWF. How? Rob Van Dam's feud with Jeff Hardy is really displaying Jeff's ability to go out and be successful without his brother, Matt, and the boobs, Lita. Lance Storm's feud with Edge for the Intercontinental Title is doing the same for the 2001 King of the Ring winner. With all due respect going to Matt Hardy & Christian, Jeff Hardy & Edge would in the long run be better off on their own. I would go as far as to call them the Shawn Michaels & Triple-H of the future. And as far as Rhyno goes, his alliance with Stephanie in her feud with Chris Jericho only pushes him closer to main-event contention. It also lays the framework for a feud with Triple-H when The Game's all ready to go in the fall.
Speaking of Kanyon...
Who's more boring than Kanyon? NOBODY! God, what a waste.
Is it me, or does the new Smackdown set remind anybody of the first WCW Thunder set back in 1998?
What's the deal with Stephanie McMahon? I know that the TV camera can tack on fifteen pounds, but a HUNDRED?!? God, she looked so fat in those two outfits she wore last week. I got sick looking at her. Stuff like that should be outlawed. This just in from Y2J: "Hey Steph, it looks like you've been supersizing it just a little too often lately... and it looks like you've made one too many trips to McDonald's, too."
And now, it's time for the WWF Dripping in Sarcasm Comment of the Week:
Here's a shock-- The Rock beat Booker T at Summerslam. Didn't see that one coming.
That was the "Dripping in Sarcasm Comment of the Week" brought to you, as always, by the WWF. The World Wrestling Federation: giving you highly predictable pay-per-views for the past three months and counting!
I want someone to explain why at summer's biggest pay-per-view Diamond Dallas Page is not fighting The Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match? He and Kane make a great tag team, but DDP-Taker makes an even better rivalry. Plus, it's pointless to put Kane with Kanyon, who in my opinion is the weakest link in the Alliance chain. Never in a million years does Kanyon ever tie Kane's shoes, let alone fight him mano-a-mano. By the way, can you tell that I hate Kanyon?
Now is the time to reinforce WCW's side of the Alliance and bring in The Big Bad Booty Daddy himself, Scott Steiner. Let's face it-- the WWF is gonna play it cheap in signing the legends of WCW, the Kevin Nashes, Scott Halls, Bill Goldbergs, and Ric Flairs of the world. He's the only one left that fans can truly relate to as the real WCW. I like Booker T, but he's boring right now, and it's impossible to see him beat The Rock anyday. DDP's good, but he's stuck in this feud with Sara & The Taker. Who's left? Big Poppa Pump. Wanna get ratings fast, Vince? Call Scott Steiner.
Is The Undertaker's wife, Sara, related to the former talent from WCW, The Maestro? Face wise, they both look eerily similar. 'Taker, if you're reading this, buddy, take no offense by it, and PLEASE don't come down and beat the crap out of me. Just making a candid observation, fella.
I think I've said enough for now. I hope to be back on-line at home full-time soon enough, as my ISP is being a major pain in the ass. Anyway, I'm meeting with some food-industry giants to launch my new condiment line, Radical Robb's New York Style Mustard, now in Spankin' Spicy, Devine Dijon, and my favorite, Joanie's Jam, named after my honey, Joanie Laurer. Looks good and will kick your taste buds right square in the ass all at once. Later, dudes!
(actual mustard product does not and never will exist.)
LET THE WOMAN BE
As published in Billy C's weekly column at 4w-wrestling.com
Special thanks go out to Billy Cullen of 4w-wrestling.com for giving me the chance to speak my mind. Thanks Billy!
I don't know Joanie Laurer personally, but I am her biggest fan. All I do know about her is what I see in the mass media and what I read either in the printed press or on the internet. I feel that I can conclude from a four year study (if you will) of this remarkable woman that the woman once known as Chyna has earned and deserves a great amount of respect for all she has done for professional wrestling.
Yet from all that I hear, in particular from the internet wrestling reporters or "netmarks," there is nothing but hatred for Joanie Laurer. This is a hatred that has crossed into real life. A rumor that was published the other day stated that the WWF wrestlers were happy with Chyna's departure and that Chyna and her so-called "inflated ego" was actually behind the whole spanking angle with Lita. This is a downright lie. If anything, Joanie was against fighting women, and if she had any stroke or power with the booking team, why would she book herself in a match with Lita rather than fight in the main event with The Rock or Austin?
The inflated ego theory is also tough to prove as truth. This woman was the first to speak out against Rena "Sable" Mero, who was the one on the ego trip here. All Joanie did was make salary and match demands. That does not make an inflated ego. Common sense tells you that people with inflated egos constantly put their peers down. Joanie has not-- READ HER BOOK! Mick Foley, Triple-H, Kane, Chris Jericho, The Divas, and even Vince McMahon were all given credit by Joanie for getting her to the top of the business. You could even say that she kissed their collective butt.
So in the latest rumor, the man who wrote and published this couldn't even get his facts straight, which is apparently par for the course. In my view, this is just another vicious, malicious, and unjustified attack on the character of Joanie Laurer. She's not even in the business anymore, and she is still being constanly bashed by these netmarks. Don't these people have anything better to do with themselves?
Why don't you netmarks out there bash some deserving people in the business for a change? There are many who haven't given a tenth of what Joanie did to this business. Billy Gunn is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Why does a member of the McMahon family have to be in every segment of RAW and Smackdown anyway? Trish Stratus blatantly goes out every week and acts like the village whore rather than go out and actually contribute to a legitimate storyline. But then perhaps this is the reason why you loathe Joanie so much-- that this beautiful woman actually did more than just stand around and look pretty every week.
All I remember about Joanie's stay in the WWF is this:
1.) Every time she came out at a live show, she got a great pop from the crowd.
2.) Every time she wrestled, the audience was interested.
3.) Every time she was a part of a major angle, she gave a 110% effort to make it work.
4.) Every time she was a part of a major angle, she made that angle work.
It was a huge mistake to let Joanie Laurer walk from the WWF. One day, when she accomplishes great success in Hollywood, Vince McMahon will kick himself for letting her go.
It was also a huge mistake for you netmarks not to go beyond your chauvenist, old-school attitudes and see Chyna/Joanie for who she was-- a great woman who gave her heart and soul for her business and her fans. All she wanted was respect in the form a decent wage, and a good storyline from the WWF. All she wanted was respect from the fans.
Now that she is out of the WWF, let the woman be. Let Joanie Laurer be successful. Let Joanie Laurer go on with life after wrestling. More than all that, let's finally end the hatred of Joanie Laurer.
The Last "Writing on the Great Wall of Chyna."
CHYNA AT THE CROSSROADS
"I don't mean this in a bad way, but so many women are not in the same league as me. I have been training and wrestling men for five years. Now it is very difficult. I can't go through the top guys -- ROCKY would never let me beat him." --Chyna in an ET interview, June 14, 2001.
The pen is mightier than the sword. In Chyna's case, a quote is mightier than a shot to the nuts.
This little quote that I've reprinted here speaks volumes about Chyna's current status and outlook for her future in the WWF. It looks bleak-- very bleak. Certainly, Joanie Laurer has a very bright future as an actress in Hollywood. She has become a celebrity, and she has been very open about the fact that she wants to be Wonder Woman or the female Terminator. She landed a role in a detective spoof that has kept her out of action since May. It isn't Wonder Woman or the Terminator, but hey, you've got to start somewhere.
I'll be the first to tell you that Joanie Laurer has every right to and should be a Hollywood star. She can and will achieve this someday-- I'm certain of that. However, she still has a few good years left with the WWF. And while she can most certainly do a film every now and then, she should be given her moment in the sun. The question is, will the WWF give that to her?
She's off right now shooting "Frank McCluskey, C.I.," but that's not the only reason why we haven't seen her on WWF television of late, and frequently for that matter. Since she was written off (NOT INJURED, WRITTEN OFF) last December, she has made very brief appearances every now and then. She appeared briefly in January to answer Ivory's "challenge." She disappeared after the Royal Rumble to promote her book, and re-emerged two weeks prior to Wrestlemania. She made only two appearances in those two weeks, then decimated Ivory at Wrestlemania to win the Women's Title. Then, she took another week and a half off (I don't count a brief interview with Jonathan Coachman on Smackdown as an appearance) before kicking Ivory's butt again on Smackdown. Another week went by, and so did Molly Holly. Then nothing again for about two weeks. She reappeared a week after Backlash on RAW, kicked Trish's sorry butt, and answered Lita's "challenge." She appeared on the next RAW to look on during a Lita match. She disappeared again for another week and let Lita fight her two opponents on RAW. She then had a light workout on Smackdown prior to Judgment Day by kicking Molly Holly's and Ivory's butts again. Then, she fought Lita at Judgment Day. She was very kind to Lita and the bookers by letting the undeserving opponent get a couple of shots in before disposing of the little red-headed bimbo. And we haven't seen Chyna since.
So, in six months, we have seen Chyna on television about twelve times. TWELVE TIMES IN TWENTY-SIX WEEKS. If you take out the eight weeks that the movie and book-signing tour consumed, that's still only twelve times in eighteen weeks. We're not even talking once a week here. Kaientai has had more exposure than this, and what the hell have they done to deserve it? This is NOT, I repeat, NOT Chyna's fault. She said it herself-- she can't get a match anymore.
The women are too weak to be called fair game for Chyna. The men have such an collective inflated ego at this moment that they scoff at the thought of wrestling, or even jobbing to Chyna. And this is after FIVE years, FIVE F'N YEARS, that Chyna has spent training and wrestling with them. To say that her wrestling career is "at a crossroads" is an understatement.
Chyna's wrestling career is in serious trouble, none of which is her own doing.
This is a very troubling situation. I think it's absolutely disgraceful that the male competition will not job to Chyna. This is wrestling. Do they really think they'll face shame or humiliation by letting Chyna beat them? For God's sakes, this is a FIXED SPORT! There is no legitimacy in professional wrestling.
Look, there isn't a doubt in my mind that if Chyna came back tomorrow and defeated Stone Cold Steve Austin for the WWF Title, it would be one time where pro wrestling would make the headlines-- FIRST WOMAN WINS WORLD WRESTLING TITLE. It would be a feat because in the 100 years that pro wrestling has existed in America, no promotion has ever had a woman on top as its champion. The fact that the business is fixed would take away a lot from her feat, but still her in-ring success would mean something. Austin, on the other hand, would not be considered a weaker athlete than Chyna. He was just told to lose to her. Big deal. He'll get his title back. He would be no worse off than if he jobbed to Jericho or Benoit, which from what I hear he's preparing to do for King of the Ring.
My point here is that any male chauvenist in the WWF who refuses to job to Chyna for the fear of losing "legitimacy" as an athlete is ridiculous. Add to the fact that Chyna has been training and fighting the men for the last five years. What has changed here? NOTHING! What's the point of holding her back?
And without question, Chyna needs to stop fighting the women. When she fought Lita at Judgment Day, no one doubted for a second that any moves Lita got off of Chyna were "given" to Lita-- Chyna cut her a TON of slack during that match because everyone knows that if Chyna and Lita met in a dark alley sans (minus) a script, CHYNA WOULD DESTROY LITA. No woman in the WWF can beat Chyna. No woman in WCW can beat Chyna. You'd have to mention the names Midnight and Nicole Bass as women who actually have a chance against Chyna, and even that's questionable.
It's also the writers' fault that Chyna's career is in such trouble. They could have something better than just have Chyna wasting her talents and abilities by fighting competition that's way out of her league. Just as it wouldn't be fair to have the New York Yankees face a little league team, it is extremely unfair to have Chyna fight the smaller, weaker WWF Divas. They could put Chyna in the Lightheavyweight Division, a beleaguered part of the WWF that needs a boost. She's just the right size, as are the competition. She has the ability and the drawing power to attract interest. A Chyna-Jeff Hardy feud would actually be a classic one and potentially a feud that would save the Lightheavyweight Division. I could see that happening, but I don't want it. Like all of you, I want to see Chyna as WWF Champion. But at this point, I'd rather have her fight for the Lightheavyweight Belt rather than defend that worthless Women's Belt anyday. I'm beginning to question whether or not people like Paul Heyman and Stephanie McMahon are traditionalists in this non-traditional world. Why are they going back to old-school wrestling with women serving solely as eye candy when the WWF was resurrected with non-traditional storylines and a more active role for women? Is it me, or do you see their ratings dropping week after week. It's the storylines, stupid! They suck! Maybe the fans do want to see Chyna fighting guys.
So what can we do about this? I'd sign my petition, because I will now be sending it out to Vince McMahon and the WWF every chance I get (everyday). I would also write letters and e-mails to WWF brass (that is, the writers and executives, such as Linda McMahon). And in those letters, tell them that Chyna is your reason that you watch the WWF, and if she leaves, so do you. And if you're a religious person, pray that Chyna stays just a little while longer, and that the bookers give her a decent storyline for a change.
I hope I'm wrong in thinking that Chyna's days in the WWF are numbered. I'm hoping that someone there, either the writers or a McMahon or guys like The Rock will see the light on this. Chyna is too valuable to allow to walk away. She has too much popularity, drawing power, sex appeal, and raw strength. Without question, for Joanie Laurer, there is a great life after wrestling ahead for her. I'm just saying that she can juggle careers just a little while longer. The WWF has to do its part and show Chyna AND HER FANS the respect that we both deserve after five loyal and productive years with the company.
Treat her for just who she is. Treat her like a star.
SIGN THE CHYNA PETITION NOW!