A Special to Joanie's Joint by Robb
E-mail me with your thoughts.
As a die-hard Joanie Laurer fan, I feel that I have to say this. Joanie is a beautiful woman, but she has made herself look too ordinary. I didn't mind when she changed her hair color, nor do I mind it when she had it cut shorter. But she lost a ton of muscle, and I don't know how she can get a role in Terminator 3 without putting some muscle back on her. Right now, she's hardly recognizable to someone who hasn't watched wrestling in the last five years. People still refer to her as "The artist formerly known as Chyna." She should have kept the look she had when she left the WWF (and posed for Playboy again in) rather than this new, smaller look.
That's not to say that I don't find her attractive. I absolutely love Joanie Laurer, and if given the chance, I'd marry her in a heartbeat. But I think the best thing for Joanie and her career is to put on twenty pounds of muscle and go back to her original hair color. She stood out when she was Chyna. She was so unique, and despite what some neanderthals would have you think, looked incredibly sexy with that awesome combination of muscle and curves.
Now comes this news that Joanie's second Playboy pictorial, completely independent from WWF influence, ranks in the Top 10 issues of all time. That speaks volumes about Joanie's popularity. It also leaves me to question-- if Joanie looked in that second publication the way she looks now (with reddish blonde hair and a more "aerodynamic" frame), would that pictorial have been successful? This is all the more reason for Joanie to go back to being what she was in that second pictorial-- a raven-haired beauty with muscle. I doubt seriously how Joanie can do a third pictorial with her current look and for that issue to be as successful as the second. Don't believe me? Check this out:
1997-- Joanie debuts as Chyna, a woman unlike any other in the history of professional wrestling. Note the smaller bust line, larger muscles, and jawbone. She looked prettier smiling back then. A look like that sends chills down my spine.
1998-- Chyna in DX after breast enhancement. Very nice and beautiful curves. Again, though, the jawline. When she gave that look, one expression came to mind-- "DON'T F**K WITH HER!"
March 1999-- Chyna's return after Wrestlemania following jaw surgery and second breast enhancement. I would have loved to have been spanked by this woman.
October 1999-- Chyna at her peak-- sleek jawbone, an incredible chest, and sexy, well-defined muscle, to go along with a long, flowing head of black hair. She was mezmerizing-- I found myself drooling helplessly at her every time she was on TV.
September 2000-- Chyna revealing her first Playboy pictorial. Note some loss in muscle. But I don't care-- she was NAKED! What beauty!
August 2001-- Joanie after leaving the WWF. Still looking splendid in this bikini.
December 2001-- Joanie in her second Playboy pictorial. Nice, especially holding a whip :-)
February 2002-- At the Lane Bryant lingerie show. Note that she changed her hair color, cut her hair, and lost a lot of muscle. She looks more mature-- she looked much younger with long, black hair. What happened? Is this the same woman? Is this really the woman who played Chyna?
Hey, I'm gonna be the last guy to tell Joanie Laurer how to look. But for her own benefit, as well as fans like myself, I think that she should go back to her old look. She needs to buff up and put some muscle back on her ravishing body. She needs to grow her hair long and dye it back to black.
I think I can speak for everyone by saying that we still love Joanie. But now, Joanie looks like a mere mortal, rather than she looked as the immortal, legendary Chyna. She needs to go back to her unique ways and abandon this Hollywood Joanie look.